The Backstreet Boys

Why I have waited so long to post about last Monday's Backstreet Boys/ New Kids on the Block Concert is beyond me. Or as many people endearingly call the clan NKOTBSB... but that is so many letters that is starts to sound like the name of an obscure government agency or something that people don't want you to actually understand (which may be true..) so I'm going to refer to it as "the Backstreet Boys Concert." I actually had to google the exact abbreviation because I didn't know which band name came first and it's slightly confusing since they combine the B in "block" with the B in "backstreet." I guess that's supposed to be clever.. I also initially assumed the "on the" wasn't important enough to have it's own letters but clearly I know nothing about modern day English and what is "hip" when it comes to abbreviations.

I posted a lot of my thoughts/feelings about this events via facebook and twitter but than I just became so overcome with emotion I couldn't see through the tears and my fingers became too shaky from being soo incredibly moved to tweet. Well, not exactly - I was laughing so hard and had so much sarcasm coming forth from my soul that a post would have ended up being the length of a dissertation and unfortunately twitter has a limiting character count.

So shout out to KWaggs, my fellow co-blogger who allowed me to tag along on this journey back in time. I'll be frank and say I was always on the N*Sync side. I remember standing my ground in lower school when Sarah Lichterman would preach the way of BSB and I would say JT was the road to salvation. I think temporary tattoos were involved somewhere in there as well.

So we got to our seats just in time for the show to start. Luckily it was a suite so there was a lot of room for necessary interpretive dancing (even though it seems I was the only one who felt this was appropriate). It was a very strange crowd at this concert. There were people drinking beer and kids around 11 and 12. Unfortunately, the kids who were 11 and 12 missed the era of BSB and NKOTB (heck I think I missed them too) so they seemed less than thrilled when a random group of old men were doing minimal dancing, wearing dated clothing and were singing off key to songs they had probably never heard. Exhibit A was the group of 13 year olds in the suite next to us - they seemed confused for the majority of the concert, as if they were waiting for Bieber or a surprise guest to come out. Probably to their dismay, they only got people who were probably their dads' age.

Now, when I say minimal dancing, I am not exaggerating. Especially New Kids on the block - they mainly stood behind the mics and did something that resembled a cross between a hoedown (clacking their heels together) and a slow jog in place - maybe a hint of irish dancing too because I feel like they did some crisscrossing and some spins.

Now I am trying to be all social-media savvy and share with the world any thoughts that cross my mind so here is some of what I posted throughout the evening:

Facebook statuses:

Backstreet boys are like 40 now so the whole dramatic opening with closeup pictures, flames and viva la vida in the background is funnier than it is sexy.

Fedora overload. Oh gracious.

For all those who are curious, backstreet boys are currently singing Rasberry Baret. They are also doing minimal dancing so as to not drastically tire themselves out.

Tweets:

All donning leather.. Backstreets back.. Alright? #nkotbsb

It's times like these I would be okay with lip syncing. #bsb #nkotbsb

they're slightly off key, wearing all white and theres a lot of smoke-- It's like a low budget production of heaven.

I was going to continue by explaining those particular postings but they're pretty self-explanatory. The show opened with lots of fire and the NKOTB rising from underneath the stage. The screen showed closeups of each one and it was like looking at a grandpa trying to do a sexy dance. Now, I am not saying late 30s/mid 40s is grandpa by any means - but, they were clearly older than boy band members generally are - and they each gave a pouty/seductive look when the camera zoomed in on them that was just such a complete turnoff that I stopped paying attention to the show and started reading Huffington Post headlines on my Iphone. -And, Coldplay Viva la Vida played in the background as they rose from the stage which was nice, yet really confusing. I temporarily started looking around for Chris, Gwenneth and Apple but than realized it wasn't to signal there was surprise guest.

As I sat/occasionally stood only to sit back down, listening to the concert - I couldn't help but wonder who in these bands was so bankrupt that they had to do a comeback tour. But then I decided, for all I know, maybe they're all bankrupt. I mean I'm not sure they have other/real jobs now - you don't hear of the Nick Carter law firm and I think after Lance Bass's failed attempt to go to Space, BSB knows if a member of NSync couldn't do it, they sure as heck can't.

Also, Kevin was missing - which was sort of strange. Perhaps he is too good to do a comeback tour... or to busy - I was trying to imagine what career he is doing now (I got a lot of thinking in during the NKOTB songs because they were unrecognizable, off key and there was no need to actually look at them on stage because it just pained the eyes/and any sense of what is right and wrong in the world)
I decided maybe Kevin is a black jack dealer in Vegas now - or he owns a club. Those both seem like viable career options.

One band didn't open up for another - they performed a couple songs together and then they sort of rotated. BSB used the lift a lot and I assumed this was because they couldn't really dance either and being in a confined space, tens of feet above the crowd was a good excuse for just stnading there and sort of waving with no body movement. <- There weren't dancers at this concert either. Disappointment? Slightly. That's usually a highlight for me of any concert. Especially when the dancers are small children that can breakdance, or in the case of the Lil Wayne/Tpain concert, midgets that rode in on Escalade golf carts.

The guys/boys outfits looked like John Goslin, meets Jersey Shore meets a blind man. Lots of leather and studs (not them, on their clothing). One guy even wore a shirt that looked like a tuxedo (in rhinestones) it was very snazzy. Something you would find at an old woman from Boca's estate sale.

There were also a lot of hip thrusts at this concert. I would say one too many. I would have been able to deal with 87 hip thrusts, but on that 88th thrust - I was just like Oh geez, someone please control them, this is not a Shakira concert.

I had also never seen so much leather (minus my brief stint in Daytona, FL for Spring Break which conveniently fell on international Bike week) Lots of chaps, leather and eating at Denny's for that fine group of intellectuals...<-group being the visitors at Daytona bike week, not BSBNOTKSN or whatever that long as poo abbreviation is.

Nick Carter kept bending down a lot during the concert. I wasn't sure why - maybe he was scanning the floor of the forum in dismay as he noticed it wasn't actually full. Anyway, I was minorly disturbed because that morning before the concert, I had been running on the St. Mary's track and some really intense runner in front of me pulled over to the side of the track and popped a squat. So squatting was not something that I immediately found sexy after having so recently witnessed it used in other ways.

One of my favorite parts was when the Backstreet boys came out in all white suits. And they weren't cotten either because they had a slight sheen. It reminded me of what people wear to school on tacky dressup day.

At one point, one of the New Kids said in a uncomfortably high pitched voice, "Tennessee has some of the most beautiful ladies." People screamed as if he didn't say that at every stop they went to... and I looked around and some a crowd full of schlumpy people, some over-excited young guys and then little, illegal-aged girls. I'm not sure who he was talking to but evert girl in the audience seemeds convinced that he was personally talking to her.

At one point BSB decided to serenade three "lovely ladies." One of them happened to be Justin Timberlake's mom which was kind of random, the other was a young girl and the other was a teenager who kept snapping pictures with her phone while she was on stage which was really ruining the romantic moment. The last concert I was at where someone was serenaded was a Rap concert where Ray J brought up a rando girl on stage and started grinding on her/making out with her - so this subtle form and the serenade was new to me. It seemed almost Shakespearean actually. Oh BSB, you guys are such knights.

Anyway, at one point I looked down and one of the Backstreet Boys had his shirt open. I didn't look long enough to be able to tell who it was. I saw chest and that was all I needed to see before I turned back to the CNN app on my phone to make sure the international market wasn't becoming too rocky while I was at a 90s pop concert. At one point I thought the New Kids random songs that didn't interest me provided me with enough time to learn to french braid my own hair, something I've wanted to learn but just haven't had the time to figure out. This was my perfect opportunity. But before you know it - BSB played Backstreet's back and I had to get up and dance (of course).

I like Backstreet boys, you know I'm a fan of their song "the call." I don't mean to seem overly critical and seem like I have a more sophisticated musical taste, because I definitely don't. When people ask me what my favorite music is, I usually just say "Itunes Top 50." Sorry I'm like the masses.

Anyway, at one point, all the New Kids were wearing fedoras. (I really can't stand fedoras.) But they were new and they were kids so they didn't know any better and I let it slide. BUT, then Nick Carter put on a fedora and his sex appeal dropped to Minnesota temperatures. I was like brrr, cold, please take it off (basically).

As I was analyzing the varying fashions that pretty much all looked the same, I noticed there were a lot of chains and hanging/droopy suspenders. I am not sure the point of suspenders if they are not holding up pants. Maybe it's a fashion statement that you're a rebel. Sort of like saying "Look here, I don't give a sh*t about my pants being droopy..Imma do as I damn please." The pants were also really tight though, so maybe they were going for that whole European vibe.

Lil Wayne/Nicki Minaj was the last concert I saw before this one so I was comparing and contrasting throughout the entire show. (Not really because they are so different that would have been impossible)

As the concert was nearing it's end.. the two bands started getting sappy and wasting the crowd's time by saying nice things about one another. One of the New Kids said this about AJ "A true bad boy is a good boy who fights for what he believes in." I heard this and then thought, actually, no that's wrong. I appreciated his attempts at being deep though. I'd give him a C+ for effort, so actually he kinda sucked.

I also spotted teachers three rows ahead of us so I was glad to know we were not the oldest. They were dancing the night away as I looked on in confusion/delight/amazement/neutrality.

As the concert was wrapping up, AJ dawned a camo fedora, BSB wore tucked in Tshirts with black leather belts, they all made a comment about how happy they were to come to Memph after the floods and were so blessed to see how we bounced back. They continued on that they were inspired. I wanted to say, actually it wasn't that bad here. But I was too far away and I didn't feel like shouting.

All in all, it was a fun/entertaining evening and I look forward to next summer's cheesy concert. Fingers crossed it will be Nick's mini me, Aaron Carter.